An Exploration of Self

An Exploration of Self is a project I worked on as a Resident Artist at the University of Cumbria 2021/22. Within this project, I investigated how I interacted with the world and things about myself that stay consistent no matter the environment or outside influences.

I created a series of 30 monoprints with statements about myself. Creating these monoprints was a meditative experience, allowing me to recite core truths about myself and gently decorate and create a physical representation of these unseen elements of the self.
Although the experience of creating these monoprints was meditative, I wouldn't be committing to the theme of honesty if I also didn't admit how hard it was. I had to dig through my emotions, thought patterns, and life to realise the consistency of these aspects of myself. For me, that was, and still can be, a draining, emotion-fuelled experience. Because of this I often found myself in a state of dissociation, a state I can often fall into when I find things get overwhelming, which is both a blessing and a curse.
I wanted to capture this part of myself and admit that this is not only a consistent part of me, but also that the process did not come easily. To do this I created a stand-alone teardrop-shaped frame from MDF, stained it, and embellished it with laser-cut text as an example of my frustration with the dissociative feeling. I used MDF as it is light enough to be both hung but also free stand with legs attached to the back of the frame. I then attached and stretched the canvas onto the back of the frame, where I then painted what for me represented this feeling. The ants represent the frustration but also the crawling feeling of something not being quite right, the itchiness of trying to figure out what is wrong with me, why don't I feel normal? The big eye in the centre of the teardrop shows the vacancy within the head, but also it shows a prison. I'm trapped behind there, way behind. I can't control this ship, this person.

An Exploration of Self concluded with solo exhibition held in the Vallum Gallery. The exhibition was arranged so you could walk around these feelings and truths, watching my story unfold. You entered the room to face my frame and canvas piece on dissociation, and after walking around the monoprint truths, you left having to face it as well.